Hier noch ein paar mehr Gedanken vom Montag, die meisten davon aus der zweiten und dritten Stunde:
The 20th century has not only been witnessing the worst terror in the history of humanity, it has also been the stage for the most magnificent movements ever to aim beyond the current state. I have not properly partaken in both the terror and the pleasure. I could only gather from the tales about it, hard to tell which were correct and which weren’t, which were supposed to make things look good or worse. All I got is glimpses, echoes, feedbacks and hints – some people tell me this might even be the better perspective. I’m no partisan, I don’t have to defend any kind of reality against anybody’s perception. I have to compare as many perceptions as possible to all the things I can still trace back. This language had been extra-twirling all to this level of complex precise poetic expression, before it was used for pulling together purposes again which, however, was necessary. The terror did not just coincide with all the pleasures in the 20th century, they were closely correlated.
I am not responsible for answers. I’m in for doubts and wondering. I like confronting the communist critique I take everywhere else with Discordian criticism. And this again with my criticism of conspiracy ideology. And that again with the conspiracy theory fun there is. Whoever is looking for instructions, there’s plenty of that anywhere else. Most people seem to know what to do or they pretend it very well. I don’t. As far as I’m not responsible I know what to do. As far as I am responsible it’s far more complex and I am proud already having accomplished a couple of right decisions in my life, the Bruce Willis sort of decisions.
The experience of this trip is fucking subjective, yet the similarities are striking. Perceiving more of the world’s complex fabric. Without being terrifying or really serious, it’s gripping and very real. These similarities tell me the Ephesians – though on another mushroom – might have understood a couple of things better and seen a couple of things clearer. It provided them with self-distance when it might have been highly recommended and lacking everybody else. Geld verdienen mit Drogen nehmen – das ist das Vermächtnis der griechischen Antike.
The earliest and original setting of the psilocybine thing was to stick to your closely surrounding nature and your tribal collective which I abhor. Acid, however, is mostly used by the bourgeois mind to reassociate itself with nature and the other bourgeois minds around it. I should confront Marcuse’s notions in “Enemy reconaissance” about Germans feeling a deep connection to nature and making tribal sense of it, with the drug experience, the meeting of the communist, the bourgeois, the tribal and the fascist mind. Ich sollte Ronald Steckels “Bewußtseinserweiternde Drogen” noch einmal lesen, nicht wegen der erläuternden Anteile, die teilweise überholt sind, sondern wegen seines Versuchs, psychedelische Erfahrungen in SDS-Sprache zu auszudrücken.
The romantic approach to landscapes frightens me even more when I’m on than when I’m not. They try to conquer my imagination. Everybody who doesn’t just understand it, that’s okay, they don’t know. But those who know and try to make this sense of it, this fucking German sense… And just because “tribal vibes” sound good together doesn’t make that right, either. Tribes aren’t right. Tribes are wrong. Tribes are where we come from and luckily we have progressed far beyond them. We can now separate and distance ourselves. We shouldn’t overdo that but it’s good to be able to. This sounds like James Spader saying Willow thoughts.
He stands there in complete control of his unsatisfactory life. Is it really that simple? They reproduce all the beauty around them that they can’t reproduce themselves anymore? (Doesn’t account for all those who never did it at all). Is this altered mind state and psychoanalysis just a way to say nasty things about and to people? Things that most of the time should better not be said? Willow again: It’s okay to know things about people you just don’t have to tell them all the time.
Another man asking me about the way and saying “Ah, da kommt noch was!” Whenever I’m doing this I’m not only talking about communism all the time, there actually has got to be a Genossenschaft kind of fucking Traktor going all over the place. It’s coming after me. And I was thinking about sleeping next to it so it might be easier for me to sleep with noise around me. Or to be able to cope with buidling site noise better, to have a buidling site in my head. But that doesn’t sound like a good idea. The other choice is they keep chasing me.
Looking at things designed by people on Acid. I only find what they put in it. And I tend to re-live drug experiences from popular culture. That’s not the same as discovering a pattern yourself. I feel betrayed. It’s like Dan Brown: ‘You cute little reader found exactly what I wanted you to find.’ Consumerist trap! Digital recording and playback technique!
Wenn das meine letzten Aufzeichnungen sein sollten, wird man sich hinterher auch seinen Teil denken: “Der Genosse Kulla ist mit einem Lächeln auf dem Gesicht untergegangen.” Das hat Format wie die Nichtschwimmer. Herr Seyfarth wird sich auch freuen, dachte, er sei mich mal für den Nachmittag los und dann komme ich wieder mit Aufnahmen von der Scheiße.
The grass does dance. It might actually be in there. There are only different ways of getting it out. Neural fission.